Confessions of a Tired Mom Who Tried to Hide in the Bathroom (And Got Caught)

 

 

I have a confession to make.

No, I didn’t forget picture day. I didn’t let my child eat cookies for breakfast (at least not recently). This is worse.

I hid in the bathroom. Voluntarily. For no legitimate reason… other than pure survival.

Let me paint the picture for you.

It was one of those days. The kind where you wake up tired, spill coffee on your shirt, step on a LEGO barefoot, and realize the lunchbox is still in the dishwasher,  from yesterday. The kind of day where everything feels a little louder, stickier, and more chaotic than usual.

And in the middle of that storm of socks, spilled juice, and a chorus of “Mooooom?”, I cracked.

I grabbed a bag of pretzels (don’t judge me), tiptoed to the bathroom like a ninja, locked the door, and sat down on the closed toilet seat. Just to breathe. Just for five minutes. Maybe three.

I didn’t bring my phone. I wasn’t scrolling. I wasn’t texting. I just… sat. In silence. Pretzels in hand, eyes closed. A moment of rebellion in the kingdom of toddlers.

It lasted approximately 42 seconds.

That’s when the little fingers appeared under the door.

Then came the knocking.

Then came the dramatic gasps.

And finally:
“MOM! Are you pooping?!”

Ah, the poetry of motherhood.

I sighed. Deeply. Crunched my last pretzel. Flushed the toilet out of theatrical obligation. And emerged from my fortress of solitude.

 

Why I Hid (and Why I Don’t Regret It)

Let me be clear: I love my kids. Fiercely. But sometimes the noise, the demands, the constant multitasking, it all collides into one messy wave, and suddenly your brain short-circuits because someone just asked you where ants sleep for the eighth time while also yelling that the cat drank from the toilet.

Moms don’t get lunch breaks. We don’t clock out. Our coffee is rarely hot, and our alone time usually involves folding laundry in silence.

So yes, I hid in the bathroom.

And yes, I got caught.

But what I also got? Was a reminder.

 

You Can’t Pour from an Empty Mug… or Eat Pretzels in Peace

Parenting is full of moments where we give and give and give time, energy, snacks, attention, explanations, patience (and more snacks). But if we never pause to refill our own cup, whether with silence, a snack, or an uninterrupted bathroom break, we run on fumes.

That small stolen moment? It was my attempt to breathe. To be still. To remember that I’m not just “Mom,” I’m also me. And taking five minutes to honor that doesn't make me selfish. It makes me human.

Maybe my kids didn’t understand it in the moment (they were too busy trying to wedge a drawing under the door), but one day, I hope they do.

I hope they see that sometimes the strongest parents are the ones who know when to pause.

 

The Takeaway (Besides Keep Pretzels in Your Hoodie Pocket)

If you’ve ever hidden in the car, the closet, or under a blanket fort that you accidentally stayed in longer than necessary… I see you.

You're not alone.

You're not failing.

You're not doing anything wrong.

You're just tired. And taking a moment doesn’t make you less of a mom—it might just make you a better one.

So, here’s your permission slip.
Hide in the bathroom.
Eat the pretzels.
Take the pause.
And when those little fingers wiggle under the door, just smile…
...and flush for dramatic effect.

 

Marie A. MacArthur.